Letter #1

April 13th, 2010

Dear Loreli,
On May 11th, 2009 I took a pregnancy test that came up positive. I was nervous and excited and had absolutely no clue what to expect. When I told your father about the test he was just as in shock and over joyed as I was. The next nine months were full of heightened emotions. As we prepared for your arrival everything became "baby this," "baby that" and "when the baby is here."

I started filling out your baby book and writing about how Daddy and I met and fell in love. In the back of the book is a place where the parents can write a letter to their child. I always told myself, "I'll write it tomorrow." Every time I looked at that page I would think of you being 18 years old graduating high school and reading what I wrote to you. No matter how I thought it out in my head, no words of wisdom or love seemed right. I had no idea what type of mother I would be to you. I had no idea what my life would be like with a baby.

Labor was one of the most shocking experiences of my life so far. I had no idea whether or not I was having contractions and as the pain became worse and you came closer to greeting the world, a strength I never knew I had washed over me. Some women have an automatic maternal instinct and feel motherly while pregnant. For me giving birth to you was the beginning of viewing myself as a mother.

When Daddy and I brought you home we were completely exhausted. Everything about caring for you and loving you was brand new. Our first few weeks were full of visitors and tons of help. We were so busy that whenever I would remember that I still needed to write you a letter in your baby book, I was too tired to move.

As of today you are 15 weeks and 1 day, or just over three months old. A lot has happened in such a short time my lovebug. I am now getting to know the type of mother I am and want to be. There are so many times that things happen or things are said and I think to myself all of the lessons that I want to teach you. I talk to you now and I tell you these things but your response is usually an "ahhhooo" or just putting your fist in your mouth and smiling. This is why I have started this blog of letters to you my little one.

Now by the time you are a grown woman, who knows if there will still be blogs and internet pages or what type of resource will be used. I will print each letter and keep it safe for you. When you reach the appropriate age they will be yours to keep.

As time goes on and you grow I promise I will continue to write letters to you. If for whatever reason something should ever happen to me and I cannot be with you, use these letters to keep me close.

Loving you forever,
Mommy